Pursuing resilience and happiness in 2020
As 2020 tests our resilience, happiness and connection may seem harder to pursue and experience.
The topic and pursuit of happiness is embedded in our culture, our music, and movies. Thomas Jefferson wrote in The Declaration of Independence that the pursuit of happiness is an unalienable right. You have most likely seen a few social media posts or articles with titles such as “Top Ten Ways to Live a Happier Life” or “Happiness Experts Reveal Secrets to True and Lasting Happiness.” How many remember the Will Smith movie “The Pursuit of Happiness” which is based on the true story of Chris Gardner’s struggle to care for himself and his son. Or maybe you remember the lyrics sang by the iconic jazz musician Louis Armstrong in “When you are Smiling”:
When you’re smiling
The whole world smiles with you
When you’re laughing
The sun comes shining through
I appreciate the connection made between how others are affected by the emotions that we express. The song reminds me of the book “Connected” by Christakis & Fowler (2009). They recall the documented story of how three teenage Tanzanian girls were the genesis of the 1962 laughing epidemic that spread to over a thousand individuals. People that came into contact with one of the girls had similar laughing or giggling episodes that lasted between a few minutes to a few hours. Interestingly, the laughter spread from person to person and even into different cities like a virus. I don’t know about you but “catching a laugh” from a friend sounds pretty nice to me right now. Most don’t realize how powerful our social networks can shape our lives and the power we have to shape others.
As we continue to confront social injustices and the COVID-19 pandemic, happiness, smiling, and laughter can seem like a distant idea. How do we “Smile so the whole world might smile with us” wearing a face mask? How can our joy be contagious when we are told to social distance from others? How do we hold on to happiness during difficulties? I am reminded of an encouragement from 1 Peter 5:9–11 that says;
“Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”
We are a family and when connected, can stand firm because we have a gracious God that restores each of us regardless of the difficulties.
While the COVID pandemic persists, how are you using your strengths and cultivating resilience so that you too can stand firm and steadfast? How are you holding on to your happiness? In an article on resiliency for college students, Eells (2017) suggested “SAVES” as a helpful acronym to remember a few ways to cultivate resiliency and hold on to your happiness.
S — Social Connectedness. We can physically distance and stay socially connected. Reach out to family, friends, and mentors online so that you can be “more present.” Don’t forget 2 John 1:12: “… I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face so that our joy may be complete.” So, let them see your smile!
A — Attitude. Use the 3Ps.
Permanence. Times are changing and the difficulties we confront today will not last forever.
Pervasiveness. Change your focus to the positive. Notice the things that are going right, other peoples’ strengths, and the positive changes that are happening, and be grateful.
Personalization. Sometimes other people’s actions feel personal. Be slow to respond, look at the bigger context of the situation, and question if things are actually about you personally. Do a random act of kindness for someone else. Caring for others is actually good for your mental health.
V — Values. Get back to the important ideas, beliefs, and characters that make sendyou, uniquely you. Spirituality is a critical component. Simple daily activities like reading scripture and praying are important ways we cultivate resiliency. Pause, breathe, and acknowledge a blessing.
E — Emotions. In unique times we can have conflicting thoughts and emotions that are uncomfortable. A mentor of mine often encouraged me to “lean into difficult emotions.” By accepting and being willing to stay with an uncomfortable emotion, you have the opportunity to examine the roots, learn a bit about yourself, and grow in wisdom.
S — Silliness. Don’t take yourself too seriously nor think that you must be perfect. Be silly, play games, listen to music, watch hilarious movies. Bob Hope said “I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.”
The search for happiness is not a new trend and the need for connection has never been more important. Cultivate resiliency and hold onto your happiness. I will end with one last verse from Ecclesiastes 3:12–13: “I know that there is nothing better for people to do than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil — this is the gift of God.”
References:
Christakis, N. A. & Fowler, J. H. (2009). Connected: The surprising power of our social networks and how they shape our lives. Little, Brown and Company.
Eells, G. T. (2017). Hyper-acheivement, perfection, and college student resilience. Journal of College and Character, 18, 77–82.
Neumann, R. & Strack, F. (2000) “Mood contagion”: The automatic transfer of mood between persons. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 79, 211–223. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.79.2.211
